I don’t want to say that a vasectomy doesn’t hurt—it is a surgical procedure, after all. The doctor uses a big needle to numb out a small area of your scrotal sack so he can snag your vas deferens, pull it out into the light of day, and oh-so-gently mutilate and burn it before returning it to its dark, warm home. That sounds painful.
But honestly, it’s 10 minutes, a couple pinches, and a day and a half of feeling like you did after the unfortunate 5th grade kickball mishap that taught you to always pay attention to the game. Swollen and a touch sore, and awkwardly trying to comfortably place the ice where it’ll help. Aside from the blood that some guys see when they ejaculate—your doctor should mention THAT—you’ll be ready to get busy in just a couple days, tops, as long as your lady friend isn’t caught up in nursing you because, you know, you just had a vasectomy.
So if you’ve been putting off the procedure because, Gosh almighty! It’s gonna hurt!, put on your big boy pants and ring up the urologist for an appointment. (And what better day to call than today, World Vasectomy Day?)
Here, gentlemen, are 10 things that are more painful than a vasectomy.
1. A bee sting. Hurts way worse. Bee sting on the bottom of your foot? Way, way worse.
2. Stubbing your toe. Inadvertently kicking something hurts like a mother. And there are little, fragile bones you can break there. Which can’t happen with a vasectomy. (Fragile yes, but no bones).
3. Whacking your thumb with a hammer. Been there, done that. Hurt way worse.
4. Running anything more than a 5k—or sprinting more than 100 yards.
5. A bad case of gas. You can’t argue.
6. Rupturing your Achilles tendon. In fact, sports trainers routinely say it’s the most painful “common” injury among active men.
7. A nasty hangover. I’m talking one that lasts until the sun sets the next day. Pretty much anything that involves nausea is worse than a vasectomy.
8. Adam Sandler movies. Give me 100 vasectomies rather than having to sit through a.) Grown Ups, b.) Blended, c.) Jack and Jill or d.) Just Go With It.
9. Passing a stone. Like #6, this is an awful, debilitating condition. And compared to a vasectomy, the acute pain portion can last for days. Days.
10. Watching a video of a guy having a vasectomy—like you can do here, if you wish. Not even close, because, let’s face it, there is no “good” surgery video. It’s all awful and gross. Even the most “surgical” and minor of procedures is a horror show of incision and excision.
