Here’s what they really wish you knew…
Introverts know this face.
It’s the I’m-at-a-party-and-everyone-is-talking-and-having-fun-but-I’m-slowly-dying-inside look.
If someone special in your life happens to be of that quieter breed, there are conscientious and empathetic ways to bring them into the fold.
After an introvert stops talking, wait 3 seconds before you chime in.
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“Since introverts spend more time processing their thoughts internally, people tend to talk over them even when they have more to say,” introvert expert and Quiet Influence author Jennifer Kahnweiler, PhD., told BuzzFeed Life. Allow for a pause after they finish talking in case they have other ideas.
During an important talk, paraphrase some of their ideas to show that you’re listening.
It’s important for introverts to feel heard. If you’re having a big discussion, express some of the things they’ve said in your own words, according to Kahnweiler. This shows that you are really paying attention.
Try to be more comfortable with silence.
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Seriously. If you feel like silence means that you are not fun enough or that you have nothing to contribute, reevaluate how you approach silence. Quiet time can be perfectly fine and dandy.
Say “I’m just thinking out loud here…” if you like to talk out your ideas.
“When extroverts start thinking out loud, some introverts admit that their heads start to spin,” Kahnweiler says. Since introverts tend to share fully formed thoughts, it can be frustrating when someone (usually an extrovert) verbalizes every single thing on their mind. Prepare them for your think-fest before you start going down the rabbit hole and they can choose to tune you out.
Text them to figure out plans.
“Texting gives introverts a chance to control how and when they respond,” Kahnweiler says. Calling on the phone may interrupt their thinking and throw them off.
Interrupting an introvert can feel like a stab to the heart.
Since introverts put extra thought into what they are going to say, cutting off their ideas can feel like a physical wound. If you interrupt them, acknowledge that you cut them off and give them time to continue.
Start a conversation while you’re walking or driving.
“There’s less eye contact, which can feel less confrontational,” says Kahnweiler. For some people, this will make it easier to open up.
Acknowledge their feelings—especially if you are about to do something you know they won’t like.
Picture this: An introvert is talking to you about something they are really excited about, but you’re about to be late to dinner. What would be the best way to interrupt them without making them shut down? Try something like: “I know you don’t like to be interrupted, but I just wanted to let you know that we’re running late,” Kahnweiler explains. Acknowledge them before you make your point.
Write each other emails.
Introverts tend to be really strong writers, according to Kahnweiler. If they are not sure how to talk about something with you, ask them if they would be interested in writing it out.
Talk with them one-on-one and then bring their ideas into a bigger group.
If you’re having a nice conversation with an introvert, take note of what they talk at length about. Later, if you’re in a larger group with them, mention something that they had told you earlier. Since they had time to process their feelings on that topic, they might be more likely to share. Plus, you’re introducing them into the conversation rather than putting them in the stressful situation of deciding whether or not to chime in.
Make it easy for them to leave the party early.
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“Introverts tend to have limited social energy,” Introverts In Love author Sophia Dembling told BuzzFeed Life. If you notice an introvert shutting down, make an excuse about the time or say you’re feeling tired and guests should head out. An introvert will appreciate not always being the one who asks if it’s time to leave.
Ask specific questions.
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Since introverts don’t tend to be information dumpers, they might dive more readily into a conversation if there’s a jumping off point, according to Dembling. Ask them if there’s something that happened today that made them happy or if they had an interesting thought or observation that they’d like to share.
Balance out your activities with quiet time.
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If you’re planning to go out to a loud restaurant or a club, try to do an energy-saving activity earlier in the day. Long drives, hiking, going to the movies, and reading are great ways to spend time together that aren’t a big energy suck, according to Dembling.
And show an introvert that you’ll be by their side.
Every step of the way.
