PSA: Birthdays Should Be For Your Mom Not You

Sorry kids.

So it’s your birthday, and you want to celebrate.

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I get it, it’s the anniversary of YOU entering the world, and you’re SO HAPPY to be here.

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OK, angels MAY have been involved, but they didn’t place you directly on Earth. You made a “quick” nine-month pit stop first…IN YOUR MOM’S UTERUS.

Let’s take a quick trip down memory lane to see what actually happened on the day of your birth.

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You were in a warm sac snuggling against your mom’s fluffy insides.

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Basically a luxury hot tub for fetuses.

On “your” birthday, after freeloading IN HER BODY FOR NINE MONTHS — her water broke, most likely ruining something she loved, like her bed.

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Way to go. Ruining your mom’s bed.

Followed by painful contractions that gently rocked you back and forth.

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Oh no, did you spill your fetus martini from the gentle rocking?

This was your mom.

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This was you.

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This was your dad.

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This was you.

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FOR 8 TO 18-PLUS HOURS

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And I won’t even draw what would be going on if she had a cesarean ‘cause I don’t think you could handle it.

So next time you’re asking your parents for something for “your” birthday.

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Maybe take a step back and think, What can I get them? Lord knows your mom will never get her vajayjay back.

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FYI, the adoption/surrogate process is just as emotionally long and painful as a physical birth is, so you’re not exempt from this if that’s how you got here.