Oh, OK, we’re still talking about you.
Dealing with people with huge egos can be so frustrating.
Comedy Central / Via comedycentral.tumblr.com
Even having a simple conversation can leave you feeling like:
Columbia Pictures / Via withoutadditivies.tumblr.com
Whether they cut you off and refuse to see your side of things or they just irritate the crap out of you by going on and on about themselves, interacting with someone with a seriously inflated ego is a chore. BuzzFeed Life talked to some experts to find out what you should know about people with massive egos — and how to deal with them without going crazy. Here’s what they had to say.
Parrot their words back to them so you don’t get stuck in a conversation forever.
New Line Cinema
Whether you’re debating facts or just trying to get out of a long-winded story, you have to at least pretend that you value what they’re saying. “If they don’t feel heard, they are going to keep talking over you and they’ll go on forever,” clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., tells BuzzFeed Life. Make it clear that you’ve heard what they have to say, then use that as an opportunity to make your point or move attention away from them.
Cut uncertain phrases from your vocabulary.
Via gurl.com
When talking to someone with a big ego, don’t start your sentences with: “I think…” “I feel…” “I kind of…” “I sort of…” “I just…”
These phrases automatically make you sound like you have less authority, so you’re feeding into that person’s ego by making it sound like you think your own opinion is less valuable than theirs, says Bonior.
Talk facts, not emotions, if you want a narcissist to see your side of things.
Via ifunny.co
As a general rule, someone with a big ego probably doesn’t care how their behavior makes you feel, so all those “I feel” statements that you’ve been taught to use to express your side of things? Not applicable here. It’s too easy for them to turn your feelings around and blame you for being ~emotional~ rather than taking responsibility, Susan Fee, clinical counselor and author of 101 Ideas & Insights About Resolving Conflict, tells BuzzFeed Life.
That said, if they can’t even agree with you on basic facts, it’s not worth trying to argue with them.
ABC / Via reactiongifs.com
Trying to convince them otherwise once they’ve made up their mind (even when they’re so, so wrong) is going to fall on deaf ears, says Fee. You’ll only get more frustrated.
Don’t be afraid to be a little bit rude.
Yes, in general, you’re going to want to keep it polite and classy. But if you’re at the end of your rope or the person crossed the line, be honest and to the point, says Fee. Address a belittling comment by saying, “That was rude,” or cut an offensive rant short with, “That’s an interesting point of view.” Then turn your back and talk to someone else.
MTV / Via gardenstateswag.tumblr.com
Don’t try to make sense of their behavior, because sometimes a person with a huge ego JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
Oxygen / Via giphy.com
Why is she so blind to other people’s points of view? Why does he think he’s God’s gift to everyone?! Why are you the way that you are???
The easiest way to get really freaking frustrated with someone with a big ego is falling into the trap of assuming they should know better. They should, but they don’t. “When you accept that they’re not rational and realize wow, that’s kind of sad, they really think that’s the way the world works, it makes it so much more manageable,” says Fee.
Before you even talk to someone with a huge ego, adjust your attitude so you’re not expecting a crappy conversation.
Warner Bros. Pictures / Via favim.com
“We have a massively distorted lens when it comes to putting up with people with big egos, so we create a self-fulfilling prophecy where they annoy us because we expected them to annoy us,” says Bonior. Try treating each new interaction like a blank slate.
It could also help to think about why someone really bugs you, because sometimes, the way we deal with other peoples’ egos says a lot about our own insecurities, says Bonior. Is your friend really acting like a whole new person now that she’s getting married or did her engagement trigger some envy? Is your coworker actually bragging about their advanced degree or are they just reminding you that you haven’t continued your education like you originally planned? That kind of thing.
Don’t take it personally if they insult you directly or indirectly.
MTV / Via gifsee.com
“People with big egos have a way of cutting other people down when they’re stroking themselves,” says Bonior. “Take a step back and ask, ‘Are they the end-all objective yard stick of anything?’ No, of course not. If someone has a huge ego, their own lens is skewed. They’re always going to view things in a way that makes them better than you. It’s not accurate.”
Try not to bitch about them to your friends even if it feels satisfying in the moment.
NBC / Via youtube.com
Once you accept that someone has a big ego, there’s no point in getting yourself worked up about it. And that includes talking about how infuriating they are. “If you keep talking about someone, you’re allowing yourself to be sucked in,” says Fee. “Cease to be surprised. Cease talking about it. Don’t let this person infect your life more than they have to.”
No matter how tempting it is, don’t mock them for being full of themselves.
Sony Pictures / Via perpetualpageturner.com
Because people with inflated egos often have the defenses to match, calling out their behavior in an aggressive or sarcastic way is only going to bait them and make things worse. “The more vulnerable they feel, the more they’re going to puff themselves up,” says Bonior.
Try out an empathetic thought or two to see how it feels.
Randall Munroe / Via xkcd.com
People have a million and one reasons for acting how they do, says Fee, so see if it helps to think about what they might have going on that you don’t know about. They might have a rough home life or be secretly seriously insecure. If thinking about that helps put things in perspective and makes you feel better, great.
Disengage when you can, because people with huge egos suck and if you don’t have an obligation to put up with them, you shouldn’t.
CBS / Via perpetualpageturner.com
When faced with an oversized ego, it’s easy to want to knock them down a few pegs or show them how incredibly delusional they are. The thing with big egos, though, is that they’re resistant to that kind of thing. That’s the whole point. Your easiest line of defense is to just…not.
“We can quietly remove ourselves from people,” says Fee. Hide them from social media. Leave a room. Choose not to ask follow-up questions when they keep going on about themselves. “It’s not your job to handle this person. It will only cause you stress,” says Fee.
