We asked members of the to the craziest, weirdest, and creepiest things they’ve ever done in their sleep. Let’s just say that whatever you do after midnight is really none of our business…
Chopped off 5 inches of hair… and saved it
Disney / Via awritersfantasies.tumblr.com
“I was staying at my parents’ house when I cut off over 5 inches of my shoulder-length hair on Ambien. I woke up in the morning and my brother was like “Don’t freak out” and had sandwich bags that I put my hair in.” —
Bought all of the underwear
CBS / Via michelleritman.tumblr.com
“I bought $350 worth of Victoria’s Secret in my sleep. Didn’t know until I got the package in the mail.” —Lisa Toler (Facebook)
Tried to eat a friend’s hand
Nickelodeon / Via synapse-to-syntax.tumblr.com
“During a sleepover with my friend, I literally stuck her whole mouth in my hand and chewed on it. We both woke up and her hand was still partway in my mouth, covered in spit. She said she woke up to me doing that five different times during the night.” —
Snuggled with a stolen watermelon
Niceklodeon / Via carolinchenmarinchen.tumblr.com
“I keep waking up with pots and pans in my bed, but this one time I woke up with a watermelon in my bed, which is scary because I didn’t own a watermelon.” —
Ended a relationship
Chapendra CC BY-NC / Via Flickr: chaparral
“I’ve had entire texting conversations while asleep, and texted many people I never normally talk to. The most unfortunate sleep-texting story was when I broke up with my boyfriend in my sleep! Thankfully that got sorted out.” —
Drew a minty bath
Youtube / Miranda Sings / Via synthase.tumblr.com
“I woke up to realize I was in a bath. Not just water, but Tic Tacs, too.” —
Whipped up a fancy breakfast
Cartoon Network / Via the6thsiren.tumblr.com
“My mom once found me making bacon and pancakes in my sleep, and somehow I had managed to change into my Lilly Pulitzer dress. She woke me up and we ended up eating the bacon and pancakes at 3 in the morning.” —
Held a silent conversation
Dark Castle Entertainment / Via weheartlifex.tumblr.com
“My parents and step parents are deaf, so my boyfriend has found me multiple times sitting up and signing (American Sign Language) full blown conversations.” —
Did an outfit change and woke up ~flawless~
Beyoncé Knowles / Via hotanfit.tumblr.com
“I’m never aware when I sleep walk, though the my biggest indicator is waking up in a different outfit. What’s crazy to me is that it always matches. I’ve even created some amazing outfits that I consciously would have never thought of putting together.” —
Defaced all the closets
Daybreak Pictures / Via cecilwrites.tumblr.com
“I sleep-piss-in-closets.”
Toasted a Pop-Tart and slept on it
Nyan Cat / youtube.com / Via ihatealexturnerr.tumblr.com
“I used to sleepwalk. One time, I had a Pop-Tart stuck to my thigh when I woke up. I had a bunk bed. I have no clue how I got up, went in the kitchen, found the Pop-Tarts, cooked them, and then successfully made it back to my bed.” —
Toasted a real human hand and went to the E.R.
Disney / Via dumbasswhitebitch.tumblr.com
“Once I had a dream involving giant bugs and a toaster. The last thing I remember was seeing a hand go into the side of the toaster. Then I woke up, and I was in the kitchen with my hand in my toaster and the toaster on. I had to go the emergency room with second degree burns!” —
Mounted a sleeping partner
i.imgur.com / Via theholytaco.tumblr.com
“My boyfriend enjoys mounting me in my sleep. In the middle of the night, the time I call the ‘witching hour,’ he literally climbs on top of me. He then mutters in my ear and is immobile until the morning.” —
Tried eating a log of cookie dough… and the plastic it came in
FOX / Via themindyprojectblog.tumblr.com
“I’m a sleep eater. One time I bit into and ate a bite out of a roll of Tollhouse cookie dough, through the plastic!” —
Dabbled in sleep graffiti and ruined all the things
NBC / Via BuzzFeed Life
“I spray-painted everything in my garage red, with no ventilation. Didn’t realize it till I woke up the next morning with red pajamas and paint running out of my nose.” —
Tried to drive a car after ~maybe~ playing some volleyball
FOX / Via aztectheater.tumblr.com
“I woke up trying to start my car with sand in my mismatched shoes. At the time I lived with a roommate, on the third story of an apartment building, with a sand-filled volleyball court across from where my car was parked.” —
Stated the quadratic formula
Warner Bros. / Via thatsmoderatelyraven.tumblr.com
“My whole life I’ve been yelling and having conversations in my sleep. My dad once asked me what the quadratic formula was and apparently I stated it correctly.” —
Peed in the living room
Universal Pictures / Via peteneems.tumblr.com
“I used to sleepwalk when I was in high school. My mom told me that one night I sleepwalked and peed in the living room in front of her and my father.” —
Removed a nose piercing
CBS / Via istillmanagetotrip.tumblr.com
“I was asleep one night and had a dream that I was taking out my nose ring, and woke up in excruciating pain. I was actually removing the piercing from my nose in my sleep. I got out of bed and cleaned up the blood, changed the pillowcase and disinfected my nose then went back to sleep.” —
Destroyed a perfectly good curling iron
Twentieth Century Fox / Via moviesfca.tumblr.com
“My kid brother once got up in the middle of the night to pee and cut the cord off of Mom’s curling iron. Left both pieces in the sink. Didn’t remember doing it, and never did anything else weird while sleeping after that.” —
Hid all the lightbulbs
Filmways Television / Via blondesdonthavemorefun.tumblr.com
“Within the first week of living with my husband I removed all of the light bulbs from our bedroom. We’ve been married two years now and we still can’t find where I hid them.” —
Became a fruit ninja
Discovery Channel / Via mythbustersgifs.tumblr.com
“One morning I woke up with cereal and cut fruit surrounding me. None of the fruit was sliced before I went to sleep.” —
Got trapped in a Barbie Dream House
Youtube / Mattel TV Toys / Via barbiedollrulez.com
“When I was younger, I used to sleepwalk and my mother would find me standing in the backyard of my Barbie Dream House, trapped by the 3-inch fence.” —
Orgasmed at all hours of the night
NBS / Via millsbizz.tumblr.com
“I orgasm in my sleep all the time. I have since puberty, it’s super embarrassing. It makes sharing a hotel room and freshman year obviously an issue… and no it makes no difference how often I’m getting it while awake.” —
Absolutely NOTHING
Disney / Via
“I don’t move in my sleep. At all. In fact, I barely breathe. I was once woken up by a boyfriend checking my pulse.” —
Pretended to cut someone up
NBC / Via maxtremist.tumblr.com
“I performed a full — using my hands as scalpels — cadaver dissection… on my boyfriend. At least I apparently used the correct terms!” —
Nursed everyone else back to health
Showtime / Via it-used-to-be-fun.tumblr.com
“I’m a nurse tech, so I WORK in my sleep. I’ve woken up my roommate/partner plenty of times trying to get their vitals or take them to the bathroom.” —
Showed some skin while walking the dog
TLC / Via littledinobug.tumblr.com
“I sleepwalk often to get a drink of water in the middle of the night. One night my husband heard me walk to the kitchen and waited for me to come back to bed but after a few minutes he didn’t hear anything. He found me staring out the back door with the dog on her leash, drinking my water. And I had my shirt up to my boobs exposing my stomach to the neighborhood.” —
Ate something very risky
Pokémon / Via anime-epic.tumblr.com
“I have woken up eating wasabi.” —
Performed actual sex acts
Castle Rock Entertainment / Via reddit.com
“I have sexsomnia. I’ve now been told by four different partners that in my sleep I give hand-jobs, blow-jobs, and have even initiated sex itself.” —
Became a cat
Polygram Filmed Entertainment / Via meangirlgifs.tumblr.com
“My friends have a video of me crawling around on all fours, meowing at things and hissing at people who tried to touch me! I had found a box and curled up on top of it… I don’t remember doing it at all but watching the video was hilarious!” —
Became legit Batman
“I had bunk beds when I was a kid and I once woke up dangling over the side by my ankles which were caught in the rails. I basically slept upside down like a bat.” —
Got a manicure that looked busted AF
“My mom, under the influence of a sleep aid medicine, painted her nails in the middle of the night. It was horrible, all over her fingers. She woke up the next morning thinking I had done it as a prank and grounded me. She didn’t believe I didn’t do it until my dad came home from work and said he saw her painting her nails in the middle of the night. She still doesn’t fully believe it wasn’t me.” —
Possibly catfished a few people
BBC / Via bbcsherlockftw.tumblr.com
“I created a Facebook account in my sleep and didn’t find out for five months.” —Hana Mari (Facebook)
Went HAM on the night cheese
NBC / Via gifsfln.tumblr.com
“My bro once slept walked downstairs to the kitchen and when he woke up he realized he’d eaten the whole chunk of parmesan cheese and only the rind was left.” —Anna Fleischer (Facebook)
ROFL’d and got stuck under a piece of furniture
Nickelodeon / Via classicnickelodeon.tumblr.com
“Once I fell off the bed onto the floor, rolled around, and got my head stuck under my dresser, but I didn’t wake up so I awoke the next morning flat on the floor, face down and unable to move.” —Nina Line (Facebook)
Requested chicken wings from a boyfriend who restored our faith in true love
Warner Bros. / Via ladylovegoods.tumblr.com
“I called my boyfriend and told him to bring me honey barbecue wings from Pizza Hut and he woke me up with them next to my face.” —
